What’s going on?

I have so much respect for the blogger I used to be seven or eight years ago, the one who showed up on a consistent basis without a strategy and without overthinking her content. Smartphones and social media were supposed to make blogging easier, but all they did was give me reasons to overthink something that was fine the way it was.

I miss blogging. The exercise of expressing of myself was free therapy.

I stopped sharing Thankful posts because I thought they were boring to read, especially since I wasn’t blogging about much else on a consistent basis. Because I wasn’t blogging about anything else, I also felt that the Thankful posts made it seem like I had a better relationship with God than I did, which made me feel disingenuous.

The most impactful book that I read this year was Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck. It turns out that with certain things in my life I have a fixed (rather than growth) mindset and I let that mindset stop me from doing things because I believe that I can’t. As I read the book, I realized that even though the book was written after I reached adulthood, my dad had recognized that fixed mindset (even though he didn’t use that terminology) and had tried to help me change my beliefs about my abilities, but I never got it. When I realized this, I thanked my dad for what he tried to do and I sobbed for the girl I was, the woman I still am, who has such a hard time putting herself in situations that will grow her. It’s especially painful because I want so much to live an extraordinary life, yet I allow the things I need to do to get to the other side to hold me back. For someone with a fixed mindset, life would be a lot easier if I didn’t want more from life than what I already have!

Sayo and I are still in a long-distance marriage. I’m disappointed that we won’t be celebrating our one-year wedding anniversary together this weekend. I have a comment (or ten) about the spousal immigration process but I’ll say more once Sayo’s here. Most of my friends have said that I’m handling the wait well; I expected it, which helps, but this is a longer delay than I expected. I’m thankful that Sayo and I get to communicate daily; I can’t imagine how my parents handled their separation back in the snail mail and no phone days!

I’m really looking forward to reuniting with Sayo. Among other things, he’s totally got me believing that he’ll help me reach that version of myself that I want to be. As sweet as that is, part of me is sad that I haven’t been able to do it by myself because I’m an independent woman (as he’s learning!) and I think that sorting out these things would have probably helped me with my mindset issues! But, I should be thankful that someone wants to help me reach my fullest potential, right? Also, how do I know that it wasn’t God’s plan that the things that I’ve blogged about for years and years yet never accomplished can only come to pass through the help of a supportive husband?!

Enough about me: how are you?

29 thoughts on “What’s going on?

  1. Good to see you back in my inbox…it has been a while. Glad to read from you.

    Hang in there Sis, God will complete what he has started. And Yes, with hubby alongside, you will get to where you want to be. Trust and Believe.


  2. Nice to hear from you again, I’ve been worried about you not blogging for a while now, but I refuse to talk to you about it because I know you’re no longer a single lady but a married woman and that probably is decision of you two.

    I am really sorry for the delay in Sayo’s arrival, it touched me reading that. I pray God hasten things up to your favour. And when he finally arrives, may God help you two grow together to full potential in Jesus Name, and may God keep your home and make it Heaven on earth.

    So much love dear friend and hope to chat you up later. Regards and once again thanks for showing up here again!

    • Thanks for your comment, Sesan. No, it my fault that I haven’t been blogging regularly. I find time for plenty of other things!

      Amen and Amen: thanks for your prayers for us and yes, we’ll catch up soon!

  3. Loooong time GNG!

    As regards blogging consistency, i wouldn’t blame you.. Am not also the same person i was few years ago

    I guess things change with time. Though am still trying my best to publish at least bi-monthly

    • Eh ya, Tunde. I commend your consistency, even if you’re not blogging with the same frequency as before. You’re right: things change, but it’s important to make sure they change for the better. Thanks for reading!

  4. Jummy, you CAN reach that potential by yourself… just because you have not gotten there, does not mean that you cannot. I need you to believe in yourself, okay? And at the same time, thank God for having a partner who wants to do all that he can to help you realize that potential. My point here is that we all need to take responsibility for ourselves more than we do. It’s hard, it’s tough, but guess what? YOU ARE TOUGH! You may have setbacks, BUT you can always get back up, and that’s what matters.

    I’m sorry that it’s taking longer than you anticipated for Sayo to come. All I can say is “Try o.”

    Sending love and hugs your way!

    • Thank you, Anita: this was so encouraging! Love and hugs back at you! ??

      And you’re right: personal responsibility and maintaining discipline are difficult but necessary. May God help me as I help myself.

      Your comment has really pumped me up; thanks again!

  5. Eka bo!

    Welcome back!

    We’ve missed your posts o.

    “No Phones ke? They had phones back then now, unless you mean no smartphones.

    Happy wedding anniversary in advance! We can’t wait to welcome Shayo to Canada.

    Can’t wait for the announcement of your t-shirt biz *wink wink*

    • Thank you, Adeola: I’m glad to be back! Hehe, I’ll pass on your kind wishes to Sayo.

      In Nigeria in the 1970s not everyone had a phone o; I know my parents didn’t have one! ?

      Lol thank you…I need to get my act together, big-time! Asiko nlo!

  6. I saw this and i was like wow!!! Been ages i read from you. Good to read again as always. I hope more will come soon. I hope i get some courage soon too.Cheers!!!

    • Hello, Olufunlayo, is this your first comment? Thank you for reading!

      Please return to blogging o…I think it can be good for the soul!

  7. So many of us waiting for Sayo o

    Don’t worry if you don’t blog often u still have some loyal readers … some of us get hyped when we see a new post ..

    Wishing you all the best .dont worry there are more anniversaries and birthdays to come so enjoy the blip xx

    • Hello, Mo; thanks for reading!

      I don’t deserve your loyalty but I sure appreciate it—God bless you!

      Amen: looking forward to many more anniversaries and special events to share with Sayo!

  8. Good to have you back! The Thankful posts were nice to read as one is reminded to appreciate what you already have and not always focus on what you’re trying to have. I pray the immigration process moves faster for you and Sayo.

    • Thank you for the welcome and for the good wishes for the immigration process, Lpeach1! I also appreciate the feedback regarding the thankful posts.

  9. Hi GNG! Happy Wedding Anniversary to you and Sayo. Dont worrry there will be many more anniversaries to celebrate together.
    I loved reading the thankful posts. It reminds me of the many things to be thankful for.

    I can say you’ve been more consistent with blogging than most i know even with your break. Good to have you back though.
    I pray the immigration process is concluded at the shortest time.

    • Thank you, Adeolu! I also appreciate the feedback regarding the thankful posts and by God’s grace I’ll bring it back this month.

      You’re quite gracious regarding my inconsistent blogging!

      I hope married life has been sweet for you; my regards to your wife! ?

  10. If you want to push outside of your comfort zone, we should totally meet for coffee when I’m in Ottawa in Feb. and talk shop re: small business self-employment – I’ll hold the bag hostage!

    Also, I’m sad to say, immigration has been broken under both federal governments for the last 4-5 years. My husband and I were married for 3 years before we applied for his PR (he’s American) IN COUNTRY (from Alberta) and it took 2.5 years. Gone are the days when my friends brought home spouses from South Korea, Cuba, etc. and were approved in 3 and 5 months respectively.

    • Let’s do it, Katie! It’s crazy that we haven’t met in all these years. Sorry for the delayed response but I am IN! It’ll be outside my comfort zone as I can be awkward in person but I want to meet you!

      I can’t believe the process for your husband took that long: absolutely nuts! I thought the process for American spouses was pretty much a rubber stamping exercise until my colleague—who recently returned to Canada from the US—said the process for her partner took about a year! I can’t believe the timelines were ever as short as your friends experienced: how fortunate for them!

  11. Hey stranger! lol …trying to return to blogsville as well after such a long time but I’m certain it’s not as it was years ago! I miss those days. How are you? We should catch up somehow; many congratulations are in order. Praying that Sayo’s papers come through speedily.

    • Wow: hello!! It has been a long long time, I hope you’re doing well! I went over to your blog and saw mention of children, plural: congratulations! I hope life has been good for you and your family. Looking forward to catching up!

      Welcome back to blogville: the way things are it needs a major rebuild!

      So nice to see your name here: hugs to you, Dupsy!

  12. Here you are, actually blogging about your blog…. while
    I haven’t even come up with a handle for mine! So many people are like “when arenyou starting the blog again?”

    But I can’t come up with a title so I don’t do it, even though I have posts floating around in my head almost every day ?

    What is an extraordinary life? I live an ordinary life and I have to say…. ordinary life and ordinary challenges are enough for me! If all of this was extraordinary I would be far too overwhelmed.

    Much love to you, who I still consider a dear friend… even if time and distance separate us!

    • Amanda! So lovely to hear from you. I read your comment the same day that you posted it and it really warmed my heart! I hope you come up with a suitable title for your blog and get writing…I’ve learned that compelling writing will always win over a blog with a clever title and sporadic posts and God knows you’re a great writer!

      So much has happened in our lives over the past five years. We need to catch up!

  13. I feel you on that fixed mindset ish! I can go on and on about it, but talk is cheap.

    Glad you’re taking the “wait” well, it’s only a matter of time, what God has joined together, even immigration can’t put asunder!

    • Beeci, the mindset stuff is deep: I cried like a baby when I realized it but God dey and thank God for realization before it’s too late.

      E se too for the encouragement regarding Sayo! Lol in fact, immigration has lost the battle regarding putting anything asunder jo!

  14. I’m returning to blogging, and youtubing. :) You’ve been on my mind and I’m glad you’re doing well, sans hubby. I know it’s not easy, and going through the immigration process is well, thanks be to God (as we used to say in secondary school) ;) Praying for strength for both of you. Any chance you all can meet in Naija or somewhere before it all comes through?

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