Unexpected: Long-distance courtship

When I last shared from the Unexpected series a million years ago, my mom and I were on our way home from a trip to Nigeria in 2016 during which I had met Sayo for the first time. By the end of the trip, Sayo and I had decided to enter into a long-distance relationship. I wanted to keep things about Sayo quiet back home, even with my family, because I didn’t know if things would fizzle as quickly as they’d started.

After spending four blog posts outlining what happened in those first couple of weeks that we spent together, I’m going to cram most of our time apart into one blog post.

My mom was bursting to tell my dad, sister, and brother-in-law that I had met someone. She tried to get me to break the news with meaningful glances while we were updating them on the trip but I didn’t. Finally, she said something like “Jumoke met someone!” in her exuberant way. I probably came across as coy as I downplayed things. I didn’t go into much detail that evening, but as time went on I shared more about Sayo with my family. My sister and brother-in-law were happy for me while my dad reserved his judgment. My sister was surprised that I hadn’t mentioned meeting Sayo in the updates I had shared with her while I was away.

Long-distance relationships can be “out of sight, out of mind”, but Sayo stayed up late so we could talk when I’d get home from work. He woke up early so we could talk before I went to bed and he checked on me throughout the day. He continued to be a man of his word. I genuinely liked him as a person and we had a playful banter from the beginning (a must for me with any guy I’m talking to).

We almost broke up during that first month apart: Sayo thought that because I had agreed to date him that I would be trusting and sweet and that I’d have faith that everything was going to work out. I was the opposite and I’m sure anyone who has been in this situation can relate: whenever we’d have a disagreement I’d calmly say something like “If this isn’t working for you, you should find someone who can give you what you need” because my built-in bodyguard would rather I end things early and keep my protective shell intact, than go through the highs and lows of a relationship. Sayo kept telling me to pray about the relationship. Long-distance relationships aggravate my insecurities and I questioned everything; being apart allowed me to downplay our time together and overthink things. What kinds of things? Read on!

Click Page 2 below to read the next page.

21 thoughts on “Unexpected: Long-distance courtship

  1. Your openness and authenticity is what I love about you and your blog! I can relate on some level to a few points you have shared. Thank you for keeping it real :-) and sharing your journey with us.

    • Thank you so much, Highly Favored! I really enjoy your support in reading my blog, and I thank God for helping me share my story.

  2. Always love reading your posts! I laughed so hard at the correcting grammar bit because I can relate. Still correct my husband when he uses “Am” instead of “I’m” and “will” instead of “would” and things like that. Hahaha! Can’t wait to read the next one.

    PS: Like how you’ve broken up the post into pages. Keeps things interesting!

  3. Awww… love this post and such a candid summary of long distance relationship … I can definitely relate to some of the issues you discussed (hands up Fellow LDR culprit…. ) some of the issues eg money issues just make sure he is motivated enough and give him all the support … remember Rome wasn’t built in one day ! On the grammar issue … I won’t claim to be a grammarian but I still hack into my husband’s work email and personal statement to correct his grammar sometimes and tell him off … actually I become sarcastic in the process and say something like a whole masters student and u misspelt this or didn’t punctuate that or didn’t add pls or too harsh when ending a message etc … though the Jury is out on my own English in the last 2 years ( stay at home mum .. though my nursery rhyme knowledge is excellent ??)….
    You can start small and then build things up when he gets to Canada or you return to Nigeria …forgive me for jumping ship but allow him to get a job or at least some income before starting a family … that way no matter how little at least he is able to associate and “get used” to the system … Love is sometimes not enough for a marriage but somehow you will figure it out within 3 years …
    ok I don’t know why Or how I became self prudent and Started dishing out advice ??‍♀️??‍♀️??‍♀️??? so feel free to Ignore the above , tear the rule book and have fun together with Sayo … the sky is not your limit it’s all in our head there are no LIMITS ???

  4. Now that I have some downtime, I just want to say I enjoyed reading this, because you hit so many important topics authentically. I really feel you on the whole parental vs relationship love thing. It has been two years and I am still learning to love my hubby with the kind of fervour that I reserve for my parents and siblings.

  5. Thanks for the series Jummy. Really appreciate your honesty. Funny enough already of the things you discussed came close to home because I also have high expectations of my dream guy… All the best in your marriage. God bless

  6. Jumoke,
    Such eloquent and straight from the heart words to bring your story to us all.
    I am truly happy and I celebrate your union, I saw pictures of the ceremony. Beautiful!
    God bless and be good and kind to one another.

  7. I can only get happier, knowing your insecurities are disappearing. I saw all of these and why I was doing my best then to encourage your “self esteem” and let down your ego bit by bit.

    Thank God for Sayo and I say a big congratulations to the both of you, wishing you the best life has got to offer.

    English grammar police!!! ……..lol


  8. I often tell people I prefer watching TV shows. Oh! Breaking Bad! I followed it from the very first season. And that’s how I have been following this story.
    I know how exciting it will be reading about the third child and how this blog content slowly transforms from where it is to parenting. And then from parenting to knitting. And then from knitting to …

  9. This is just how things are for me right now.
    Travelled abroad, before things could even get so solid between us. And my parent are the kind of like… Study first. As if i will not get married one day.

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